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Nobody trains you to be a grandparent, or explains how much joy it can bring when grandchildren run to you, arms outstretched, nor how your heart can break when you are refused permission to see them, prevented even from sending a birthday card.Earlier this month I wrote about my delight at the birth of new twin granddaughters and the wonder I have experienced developing relationships with all my five grandchildren.

One striking thread through the letters was how frequently there had been a fatal breakdown in the delicate mother-in-law, daughter-in-law relationship.

Even in the happiest of families it can be a complex, sometimes competitive relationship, and when babies are born most daughters instinctively turn to their own mothers for support.

Abbie, for example, wrote to say how much her son’s family had depended on her when their son was born.

And how delighted and fulfilled that had made her feel.

Sometimes grandparents told me that they were utterly blameless, and were bewildered as to why they had been cut off from the children they adored.

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